Even if things aren’t “perfect,” they can still be more meaningful as you work together toward a drug-free life. It’s not always easy to live with or support someone who has an addiction. As research points out, addiction in a close relative can serve as a stressful life situation that persists for years, and that long-term dysfunction can make it hard for families to communicate clearly.
The Ambiguous Loss of Loving an Addict and Letting Them Go
The more knowledge you have about addiction, the better you’ll be able to communicate. Learn more about addiction from reliable medical sources, and try to understand your loved one’s point of view. Addiction is so stigmatized in our society that people with this type of disorder often expect others to criticize, insult, belittle, and reject them—which can be a barrier to their recovery. Instead, show the person you care by speaking to them with kindness and understanding.
Mental health benefits of detachment
- Studies show that many individuals entering addiction treatment programs have received an ultimatum stemming from either employment, legal, medical, or family sources.
- There’s no shortage of addiction-related “how to” guides floating around.
- Still, it’s important to let the person know you are receptive to talking any time.
- Truth be told, a simple smile or friendly gesture can go a long way in re-identifying an emotional center.
- Witnessing your loved one using substances can be very upsetting and stressful.
Alcohol and other drugs can be fun friends at the beginning and seemingly bring only good things. But they can turn into false friends bringing you to your darkest hour. It can lock you into destructive and harmful patterns of behavior. Accepting the partner has a problem and seeking help based on this is one way of acknowledging your needs. Starting off the day with a brisk run or ending the workday with a few laps in the pool may not be every family’s idea of a great time, but these exercise sessions could deliver considerable benefits.
Ending Codependency with Someone Who is Addicted
When a person is lost to addiction, they may still be very much physically present in your life, but the person you knew before the addiction began seems lost to you forever. Finally, a big part of learning how to help an addicted loved one is having an understanding that there’s no way you can fix them. The best way how to learn how to help an addicted loved one is trying to encourage them to receive treatment, but you can’t threaten them or coerce them into changing their behavior otherwise.
Frequently Asked Questions Regarding Loved Ones with Substance Use Disorders
Get the help you need from a therapist near you–a FREE service from Psychology Today. Although it may be scary to think about giving up behaviors that have formed your “comfort zone,” it may be even more scary for you to think about continuing them. Cultivate your wisdom, so that you know the difference between what you can and can’t change, and stop trying to control or “fix” anyone other than yourself.
Even if you disagree with what they are doing or saying, it’s important to withhold judgment. By taking this approach, you start to build bridges to forgiveness and aid in their recovery. Ultimately, Lembke says, this is a universal problem – not one limited to those of us struggling with the disease of addiction – that has come with living in modern life. And to restore our sanity, collectively we must rethink how to navigate a dopamine overloaded world.
A lengthy process of disengagement increases ambiguity
Asking for help can be challenging, but it’s a smart move and one that helps you to break free from a dysfunctional relationship with an addict. Most people would love the opportunity to do something kind for someone else, particularly someone they care about and want to support. Many loving an addict of us are hesitant to ask for help, particularly if we have had the role of spouse or partner to an alcoholic or addict. For many who have spent years giving to others, especially when taking care of the active alcoholic or addict in your life, asking for help becomes a foreign idea.
You have to also avoid living in the fantasy world that the addict tries to create. It’s important that you don’t gloss over the problem or minimize it. You also have to make sure that you remove your own sense of fear about creating consequences for the addict. A good start is to understand how addiction works, and that should encourage anyone to develop and display compassion for the loved one trapped in substance abuse. That approach acknowledges the loved one’s suffering, conveys caring and love and reduces the person’s shame—both lessening the need for denial and removing major obstacles to seeking treatment.